Today, we found out that dad has a tumor above his kidney, but as weird and awkward as it sounds, we all went on with our day as if nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, that put a complete damper on my break and Christmas spirit, but it just seems like it is life's way of letting us know how much time we really have together. I didn't even find myself on my knees, hands together, and whispering prayers to you because you can't and won't help us.
I don't think I will ever consider myself a Catholic. However, I'm fine with the label just so that I don't offend anyone and trigger any unpleasant debates. But I honestly believe that you were never there for me, unlike my parents. You were never there to alleviate harsh situations, unlike my parents and friends. I tried waiting for you, but it felt like you left me in the cold when shit went sour. I can't put my trust and "faith" in someone/something that hasn't done a good deed for me and my family. Maybe it's because I don't go to church and uphold my Catholic duties, but there's no point. Your guidance is unnecessary when we can all just experience and learn from ourselves and each other. I can learn to love thyself on my own, thanks.
Why do we constantly beg for your mercy, when all we get in return is more pain and worry. And when something good actually happens, we thank you. No, we should thank reality and ourselves for surviving.
I am my own god. I'd rather put trust and faith in myself since I control everything about me.
Ricardo Juni
PS. There are only millions of people who get fucked up and hammered in your name. Ooops.
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