Damn, where did 2009 go?

It's as if it came and just bounced without even saying goodbye. 2009 was a solid year; nothing different, yet inferior to 2008. Money continued to be the main issue in our household, but it's getting better. Hopefully everyone else's stress is being alleviated. This year appeared to be the pothole in the road with all the dilemmas and surprises we had. I won't get into detail about them, but... WeSC, C.D., wax, benign, Honda, Levis, CD's, to name a few. There were some awesome highlights however. Breakfast haha, draaanks, artworks, cousin bonding, volleyball always, new good friends and losing none, FAFSA money haha, coaching, etc.

Last year, I had a lot of "resolutions" that I barely kept throughout the year, but they helped remind me of the healthier and ideal person I want to be. So I think I'll just continue with those.

-drink more water
-don't procrastinate as much
-be more active
-exercise!!
-read more books!
-go out instead of staying home on the lapppy haha
-check out local events to keep busy
-homework as early as possible
-meet more people
-create stronger bonds with friends
-turn friends into good friends
-get a job
-be nicer to mom and dad haha

I'm not really into blogging right now, but I just felt like I had to put something before the year ends. Maybe I'll update this later. Just maybe.

with a new year in only 23 minutes,
Ricardo Juni

I love how my break has become more eventful towards the end.

But to be honest, I don't care, haha. I really needed this break to literally do nothing/whatever. Call me a bratty little white girl, but it was necessary for this break to be all about me. I took myself shopping half the time, slept in and stayed up as much as I wanted, went out when I pleased, etc. I'm not completely satisfied, but I will soon feel refreshed and ready to handle 2010. This break was my detox; withdrawals are in my immediate future.

Though I only have five more days of freedom, they will be jam-packed with much activity. Sushi, volleyball, the New Year, beer pong, King's cup, alchy hehe, chillin' with friends, eating, y todos tambien.

with organized wrecklessness at its best,
Ricardo Juni

God who?

Today, we found out that dad has a tumor above his kidney, but as weird and awkward as it sounds, we all went on with our day as if nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, that put a complete damper on my break and Christmas spirit, but it just seems like it is life's way of letting us know how much time we really have together. I didn't even find myself on my knees, hands together, and whispering prayers to you because you can't and won't help us.

I don't think I will ever consider myself a Catholic. However, I'm fine with the label just so that I don't offend anyone and trigger any unpleasant debates. But I honestly believe that you were never there for me, unlike my parents. You were never there to alleviate harsh situations, unlike my parents and friends. I tried waiting for you, but it felt like you left me in the cold when shit went sour. I can't put my trust and "faith" in someone/something that hasn't done a good deed for me and my family. Maybe it's because I don't go to church and uphold my Catholic duties, but there's no point. Your guidance is unnecessary when we can all just experience and learn from ourselves and each other. I can learn to love thyself on my own, thanks.

Why do we constantly beg for your mercy, when all we get in return is more pain and worry. And when something good actually happens, we thank you. No, we should thank reality and ourselves for surviving.

I am my own god. I'd rather put trust and faith in myself since I control everything about me.

Ricardo Juni

PS. There are only millions of people who get fucked up and hammered in your name. Ooops.

UUUHHHH SON

I'm Finally on Winter Break and it feels damn good.

In the past week, I barely had any sleep. In fact, I think I had only 17 hours, minus the 3 hour naps. I studied and did all I could, and feel I did sufficient work. Not the best, but definitely above average. So far, I have an A in design class! Mrs. Briggs loves me haha. I'm positive that I'm going to get an A in oil painting, and possibly a B+/A- in art history. I don't even want to talk about my physics grade. eeeeeeeek!

My sleeping pattern is soooo jacked! Even though I pulled two all-nighters last week, and still feeling the repercussions. I've been going to sleep at 6am and waking up at 3:30p! UGH. It's sooo bad for me :[ But it's painful to wake up haha. I try so hard to get up, but it's a constant war between my mind and my body. They need to marry each other and soon!

On the brighter side, Christmas is in less than two weeks :] Christmas shopping has ended up being ME-mas shopping lately though haha. Seriously, since I got my PAYCHECK last Thursday, I've bought a pair of J's, some satin Vans, a military-esque coat, a cardigan, food haha, and yarn for crocheting. I've also had to help pay for some of the house expenses, but it's all goooooood.

I can't wait for what break will have in store. Bowling, bbqs, more shopping!, volleyball, foood!, New Year's :], parties, beer pong and flip cup, y todos!

Let the fuckin' fun times lift us off our feet.

Real Time

I didn't give up, but I don't feel like a survivor either. I finished my UC applications, even suffering a baby anxiety attack and breakdown. I applied to UC Berkeley, UCLA, Irvine, Santa Cruz, and Davis. I got through the storm, but I honestly don't think my feet will get off the ground until later in my life. I swear, I've stayed the same kid between high school and this very instance.

So if I get accepted to all the schools I apply to, I would go to Berkeley, even after more than a year of hyping UCLA. I'll be closer to home without being too close and still experience life after San Jose. Though the bums will creep me out xforever, the atmosphere is inspiring and beautiful; perfect for an art student. UCLA will defintely be my second choice. UCLA is just in a dopeass place for any person to grow. The city will put people in check and help place them in reality, even being the city where dreams come true. And there's a shitload to do during the off-time. Since both schools have strong art programs, I'll win both ways. Let's just not consider the rejection from both schools.

The work might seem to lose its magnitude, but there's still hella shit to get done. I'm glad, however, that one of the hardest parts is over. I still have my finals, final art projects, and tons of studying to do, but I feel more confident about them. After fall quarter is over, I have to start on my supplementary application for UCLA which includes ANOTHER statement and a portfolio of between 6-10 images. It's due in about a month, but how come I feel like I'm going to procrastinate again? Another test of my character will be upon me sooner than I think.

I'm so looking forward to this break. I get to see my homies, bowl more, chill more, basically _____ more.

ANDDDD I get my volleyball check hollla! Buying presents will actually be a pleasasnt experience. I can finally get my parents, my sister, and Scott something without worrying much. I want to get a tree too, but it won't have any presents under it haha. We should just have a Christmas table!

God, let me survive this next week, this next break, this next month and I will truly be happy and grateful.



with success in my thoughts,
Ricardo Juni